Aim for Proficiency, Not Perfection
That wasn’t perfect. It needs to be better. That’s not enough.
These are perfectionistic phrases that floated around in my head everyday. The combination of competitiveness and the pressure to stand out fostered a strong tendency for perfectionism within me. In my childhood, I genuinely enjoyed playing sports; it was simply about the joy of playing. As time went on, however, a shift occurred. My focus transitioned from engaging in sports to defining my identity through them. Success in sports became all-encompassing.
Performing at a high level meant I could be confident the next day at school or have a better relationship with my parents. It meant I did not have to be so insecure around others and worry about what they thought of me. It meant I could be freer. It meant that I could be somebody. But, if I performed poorly, it meant that I was bad. It meant that others would make fun of me and think I was a joke. It meant that I was a nobody. This pressure I felt inside of me pushed me to try and win the acceptance and validation of others. I tried to be perfect so I could show my worth. Before I knew it, I stopped playing to improve myself and I started playing to prove myself.
Attracted to Perfectionism
The allure of perfectionism lies in its seeming effectiveness. It involves being relentlessly self-critical and driven to excel. The belief is that adopting this rigid self-discipline showcases strength and success. We embrace self-deprecation and reject mediocrity. Mistakes prompt self-flagellation and renewed determination. Our self-worth is tethered to outcomes and results. We measure ourselves against an unattainable standard—perfection. As we relentlessly ascend the mountain of perfection, we can feel almost god-like in our aspiration. Yet, at the summit, we find out that we are on a false peak, and another distant peak mocks our efforts.
In the end, perfectionism disappoints us. The pursuit of an unattainable ideal causes us to internalize our own shortcomings. Instead of recognizing the irrationality of our standards, we judge ourselves for falling short of an impossible benchmark. This self-critique begins internally, and our fear of external judgment is a reflection of our own self-judgment. Without a stable and secure sense of self-worth, how can we anticipate others viewing us differently?
Perfectionism Trap
Striving for perfection ensures repeated failure. Our pursuit of the unachievable reinforces feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism. The belief that perfection will eventually be reached perpetuates a cycle. As time passes, we find ourselves driven not by genuine joy, fulfillment, or self-improvement, but by an internal compulsion to prove ourselves. Thus, the pursuit of perfection leads us astray.
If perfection is not the target, then what should we aim for?
Try Proficiency
Proficiency. Proficiency denotes a high level of competence or expertise in a particular skill or domain. Unlike perfection, proficiency is a tangible and attainable goal, focusing on specific aspects of our lives rather than defining our entire being. It acknowledges the distinction between who we are and what we do. I can lack proficiency in volleyball, business, or any area of my life and still have a strong sense of self-worth and self-assurance.
Achieving levels of proficiency in areas of my life brings me confidence and pride as I feel competent and secure in myself.. Nonetheless, the journey toward proficiency often involves feeling inadequate and uncertain. Recognizing this as a normal part of the process is essential. It doesn’t imply failure or inadequacy but acknowledges the cost of growth. If my focus remained fixated on achieving perfection, I’d panic when I encountered imperfections or felt insufficient in a skill. Such experiences would be interpreted as diverging from the right path or lagging behind others. However, striving for proficiency keeps me grounded in the journey, reassuring me that I am progressing in the right direction. Mistakes and shortcomings aren’t wasted; they contribute to my growth and serve a bigger purpose.
