We are wired to focus on the negative. But becoming overly fixated on negative events, thoughts, and feelings tends to get us stuck. Our vision narrows, our world shrinks, and our lives become pressurized. From this place, we tend to be defensive, insecure, and discouraged. We might become overly self-reliant or seek to prove ourselves. We keep our foot on the gas pedal and spin our wheels faster in an attempt to get out of the rut. Only to realize the rut is deepening. We become stuck in ourselves, limited in how we think, feel, and act.
This is part of life. We will encounter negative events. We will think negative thoughts. And we will feel negative emotions. We will be pushed into modes of self-reliance, only to get ourselves stuck. This is normal. People struggle with adapting to change, dealing with stress, and leaning on others. There is no ultimate fix to these human pains. No amount of security will protect us completely from pitfalls. No amount of positive thinking will banish thoughts of self-doubt. And no achievement will eliminate all negative feelings. However, the question becomes: Is it possible to experience something positive, something helpful, amidst difficult or stressful circumstances? And what would that do?
Just as downward spirals of negativity push us into getting stuck, positive experiences create upward spirals that bring us into new life.
Positive experiences open us up. We acknowledge new possibilities as the walls of our worldview are pushed back. We see ourselves as a part of everything else, rather than the centerpiece holding it all together.
The key to experiencing something positive is noticing it and making room for it. Perhaps this is less of a creation and more of a discovery. Where we pay attention to something that is already there in front of us. We direct our attention to those relationships we are grateful for, that moment of joy from a hobby, that song that we love, that purpose behind our task, our curiosity about learning something new, the movie quote that makes us laugh, or the support from a coworker.
Through these motions of shifting our attention, beginning to self-regulate, and creating positive experiences, positive emotions follow.
Emotions follow motions.
And through positive experiences, we are more open to others, relying on them as we cooperate and collaborate.
Our minds and lives are broadened as we begin to build a bigger future together.
Note: The phrase “broaden and build,” as well as much of these ideas surrounding positive experiences are credited to and found in the work of Dr. Barbara Fredrickson.
