We like to think that we know what other people think and feel. However, research shows that we are only right about 20-35% of the time. When we are in conversations with someone else or when we judge the actions of others, we assume we know what they mean. But our overconfidence leads us to being inaccurate the majority of the time. Even when we try to take the other person’s perspective, we are still leaving ourselves prone to error. This is because the starting point is us. We begin by assuming based on our own knowledge and experience. Rather than the experience of the other person. This leads us vulnerable to faulty assumptions, sneaky self-interests, and blind spots.
Acknowledging this gap between what we think we know and what’s really the case is humbling. And our ego will take a hit. But, this realization may also bring freedom. Freedom from our own self-reliance, thinking that we have to know everything and have the answers. This humility gives us space to loosen up, open up, and step up.
To tap into this freedom, it’s important to become aware of which mode we operate out of. In times of stress, we tend to get stuck in our own rigidity. When we are in this state of fight or flight, we may be putting added pressure on ourselves to do everything perfectly, we might be priming ourselves to feel insecure. And when we feel insecure, we become narrowly focused on our own performance. We try to prove ourselves and this leads us to rely on ourselves. We become closed off to connecting with others. And thus we become closed off to getting other people’s perspectives.
However, once we come back into a place of safety, of feeling more secure, we become more open. This openness nudges us to care about other people and not get stuck in our own way of doing things. Here, we are able to connect with others. We can step into the world of another person through asking them to give us their perspective. Getting their perspective gives us more accurate information, allowing us to become more creative and more connected.
