Social Media’s Superpower
It’s no wonder that social media has an irresistible allure for middle schoolers, high schoolers, and beyond. During adolescence, what matters most is how you are perceived and how others are perceived, as this determines your status within the group. In a realm where you can not only keep track of these metrics but also influence them through your own efforts, it’s a Godsend.
This is a place where you can transform into somebody, and you have control over crafting that identity. You can manipulate what’s presented to the world, thus shaping others’ perceptions and your status in the group. The wishes once cast upon pennies into mall fountains have now materialized into reality. We can now construct ourselves, molding our own identities. The longing to become somebody is met with the possibility to do so. The constant curiosity about what everyone else is up to is now answered with constant surveillance.
Unlimited Social Comparison
It provides access to view others, the entire group to which we belong and compete with. Consequently, it supplies us with the crucial information we seek—where do we rank?
This journey of self-evaluation centers on how we compare to others within the group. Are we more attractive, skillful, competent, and so on than our peers? Are we contributing effectively to the group? Do people genuinely like us? Do they want us to stick around? How are we doing? Well, how are others doing? And what are they doing?
However, we find ourselves drowning in content. Our groups have expanded exponentially, and our awareness has grown proportionally. Our opportunities for social comparison used to be confined to our real interactions with real people in real places. Now, these opportunities seem endless, with a constant stream of people, their carefully filtered photos, abbreviated highlight reels, embellished stories, and exaggerated captions. Everything and everyone seems to be the biggest, highest, best, most amazing, craziest, hottest… and where does that leave you? Feeling irrelevant. Feeling like we are not enough.
Merry-Go-Round to Scary-Go-Round
The growing distance pushes adolescents into survival mode. When you compare yourself to others and sense that gap between yourself and them, it triggers an alarm. This perceived social threat is processed in the brain similarly to a physical threat, pushing you to participate in the never-ending game, where there’s no winner, only more playing, more engagement, and more exhaustion that you must cover-up.
You play and perform to remain relevant. Even though that moment of relevance will pass, buried beneath the avalanche of millions of content streams produced in the same hour, you continue to prove yourself to stay alive in the game.
Social media promises control, but it often leads to a sense of losing control. It promises improved well-being, but it can lead to increased feelings of inadequacy. It promises social connection, but it can exacerbate feelings of loneliness.
The merry-go-round that once enticed our desires has now become a scary-go-round from which we can’t dismount. We once wanted to play this game, but now it feels like an obligation. What was once exciting has become exhausting.
Those most vulnerable to its appeal are those whose brains are not fully developed, those who are highly sensitive to social comparisons, and those who are intensely susceptible to getting stuck in survival mode—chronic stress. These are the individuals who spend the most hours on social media – adolescents (ages 12-25).
Fear of Negative Evaluation (FONE) Making Us Phony
Yet, what keeps us returning to this vicious cycle?
The relentless pursuit of being enough.
We fear negative evaluation from others, so we strive to prove ourselves—to demonstrate to others that we are enough. However, this improvement is often superficial. We work towards gaining acceptance from others by presenting ourselves as more attractive, fun, or talented. It’s about the surface, the first impression that others will glance at for a mere second before their attention is distracted. But if we can craft ourselves in a way that garners acceptance and positive feedback from others, we’ve succeeded. Although these changes may not be genuine, their impact is very real. It alters how others perceive us, their judgments about us, and subsequently, our social standing—our value and worth.
Our fear of negative evaluation pushes us to artificially construct a version of ourselves that seeks approval. This fear of negative evaluation (FONE) compels us to be phony, to craft an image that conforms to other people’s thoughts about us.
Sports Performance and FONE
This same lifestyle is seen in sports performance. Players fear negative evaluation, which is seen as they become fixated on appearances, personal statistics, and the perceptions of others. Players worry about looking bad, feeling embarrassed, or failing at something they care about. Unfortunately, their identity lies in their self-image and what other people think about them. So negative evaluations from others, especially peers or people they respect, can feel like life or death. These fears and anxieties make them play tight. If they fail, a player could lose self-image points. So they find it easier just to maintain their position rather than expand their possibilities. Instead of taking risks, leaning into discomfort, and growing their skills, they look for the safe play. They shy away from challenges and opportunities to push themselves.
Just as fear of negative evaluation pushes individuals to edit, filter, and construct fake images of their lives, this same fear can hinder athletes from reaching their true potential. The harm is in the obsession with self-image and everything looking perfect because it fixates on appearances and results. And true human growth, especially found through sports performance, is a process with all the challenges, discomforts, ugliness, imperfections, and shortcomings. But it’s real. And in this process of engaging with what’s real, we develop ourselves as athletes and as people.
Real development requires risks. It requires making mistakes. It requires exposing our weaknesses. And this vulnerable process is full of opportunities for negative evaluation. Yet, we desire something real even if it comes at a cost. Perhaps a cost of letting go of our attachments to our self-image.
