How My Coaching Is Changing
My coaching has changed a lot over the past several years. I’ve been trying to decrease my overcoaching and micro-managing. Instead, I’m trying to improve by helping athletes discover their own abilities and solutions. But it’s tough. I feel like my worth as a coach is in my ability to fix things or share information. So I get caught up in talking too much. I overwhelm the athlete. And that slows them down and takes some of the joy out of the sport.
My Mistakes (Well… some of them)
When I started training, I loved when an athlete would ask me to help them with something. This meant I could fix something and show others I’m a “good” coach. Whether it was working with a soccer player on their speed, a volleyball player on their approach, or a basketball player on their finishing, I wanted to fix their “bad” form by prescribing my “good” form. I wanted my answers to solve their problems. Most importantly, I wanted their performance improvements to be traced back to me. It was me who fixed it. I’m responsible for their improvements, so come see me.
When training, I’d overanalyze and give feedback after every rep. I’d make sure to sound sure of myself. This would make them reliant on me for the “answers.” Then I would get pissed that they couldn’t self-correct or self-regulate in performances. They were always looking to others for the “answers.” I was feeding the issue I hated. I was giving solutions to problems instead of teaching them how to solve the problems themselves. And then I’d get frustrated that those skills we worked on for so long wouldn’t be retained or transferred when it mattered.
These bad coaching habits and patterns are not dead. I wish they were. I’d enjoy coaching a lot more. But, they are something that I’m trying to grow out of. I’m trying to shed these old ways so something new, something better can take place. But I struggle by getting in my own way, by letting my ego get caught up in it all. Most of the time, I end up doing too much.
We All Struggle
I think this happens a lot in coaching. We end up working against ourselves. Sometimes we do too much. We do the heavy lifting. We overlook the fact that we need to step back for athletes to step forward. But the times we do step back, it looks and feels like we aren’t doing enough. Like we aren’t getting the most out of our athletes. Or it looks like we don’t know what we are doing. We become overly concerned about our reputation, And at the same time, we get frustrated that our players care so much about what other people think when we are secretly doing the same. We want to make others happy, and proud of us, and show them that our coaching is working. That it’s creating “success”.
I’m Trying to Get Better
The more I’ve worked with athletes, coaches, and teams, I’ve seen that it’s not about this at all. It’s not about me or my coaching solutions, or about proving myself or showing you I have all the answers. It’s not about “fixing” things so you’ll keep coming to me instead of going to another coach. It’s about helping the athlete – serving the person behind the player.
I’m actively trying to help athletes enjoy the sport and develop in a holistic way. I’ve found that it’s hard for me to shut up. It’s hard for me to step back and let the process happen. It’s hard not to jump in with feedback. I’ve found that it’s hard for me to decrease my overcoaching and micro-managing. But, in order for them to increase, I need to decrease. In order for them to grow, I need to give them space. I need other intentions to pursue so I can help the player and person develop together. When I’m focusing on these intentions, I’m becoming more secure and confident as a coach.
My Current Coaching Intentions
What are these intentions for my coaching right now? What am I focusing on?
1. Building frustration tolerance in athletes.
All people struggle with the process. It’s part of our human nature. And that’s especially evident in coaching athletes. Trying to take them from where they are now to where they want to be is tough. They have to do things that make them feel awkward or unathletic. They have to expose their weaknesses and be vulnerable. And you as the coach, you have to find ways to break things down while holding up their confidence long enough for them to get it or at least continue trying. These are some of the most challenging moments in coaching for me. Here is where we sit in experiences of frustration with the athlete. Both of us unsettled by the realization that there are no quick fixes. The frustration is instant, the gratification is delayed.
I point out that the negative feelings will be there. The frustration will arise. And because you pride yourself on being an athlete, feeling unathletic will really upset you. And doing something you don’t feel good at will make the time drag on. You’ll want to rush through it or escape it altogether. But stay with it. Stay in that tension. Because the message is not that you aren’t good at this. You aren’t good at this yet. So let’s settle into it, embrace it. And know that in a few repetitions, or a couple of minutes, or a few days, or in several weeks, it will be better. You will be better.
2. Helping athletes understand their own movements, skills, and performances by focusing on the feelings.
I tend to overanalyze. I want the athlete to know when something goes wrong and how to fix it. But being overly analytical and critical can lead to frustration, discouragement, and burnout. It’s exhausting. Shifting the focus to feeling movements is better. Maybe not every athlete can explain why they made certain decisions or why specific moves work and others don’t. But they all know the feelings. Focusing on feeling it empowers the athlete by giving them a starting point. They know what it feels like. They’ll know when they feel it again or when they feel something different. They can assess their own performance and begin to make adjustments on their own.
3. Letting players have fun and ignite a competitive spirit by playing games.
What’s the point of all the training, drills, work, and meetings? To help them get better at the game? Well, let’s play. Each year, there’s more and more of a drop-off in kids and adolescents growing up with play. Compared to 20 years ago, they’re playing a lot less. Less riding bicycles in the neighborhood, less playing basketball in the driveway, less playing capture the flag with their friends, fewer trips to the park, less skimmed knees. But we are still wired to play and that instinct is waiting to be activated. This is where they develop their coordination and athleticism. And where they discover patterns, learn to anticipate, and grow in their decision-making. This is where their minds and bodies learn without drills, exercises, or a coach telling them what to do. It’s fun. It’s natural. So let’s get out of the way and let it happen.
4. Doing “live” sets of game-like situations when learning specific skills.
I try to toss players into live situations as much as possible. I want them to build their fundamentals and learn more complex skills. But I want them to build their confidence and familiarity with the skills in live situations. This is where the execution of the skills is paired with perception, decision-making, and dealing with variable challenges. This helps bridge the gap between practice and games. This makes them more adaptable. And it shows them that not everything needs to be perfect or feel fantastic for them to get creative and make things work in performance situations.
5. Highlighting the importance of the in-between spaces.
True learning and development are all about the in-between spaces. The process. The time between starting something and getting it. The in-between space is filled with tension. It can be frustrating and awkward. You want to hurry up and get on the other side of it. But the process is where the growth happens. I try to highlight the in-between space. In-between reps or drills. The breaks in training. The timeouts in a game. The dead balls. The quick moments of rest and recovery. The period after a training session before your next activity. The moments in-between a mistake and your next opportunity. The off-season. Sleep. The weekends. The moment right now.
The whole process is an in-between. Prioritizing these experiences is key. We need to prize them. They are not things to avoid. And they are not experiences that verify you are on the wrong path. They are verifying that you are exactly where you need to be. Be there. Live in the in-between, stay committed to the process. And see where it takes you.
Concluding Thoughts
I understand that this sounds neater than the reality of coaching. I also understand that things are simpler in player development than coaching in the team environment, and running from teaching a class or a day job to handling adolescents and their shenanigans. I know there are added layers of challenges for everyone. Without being dismissive of anyone’s experiences, I do think these are helpful aspects to focus on with athletes. And everyone can find their own personal style and way of integrating it into their structure and situation.
Cheers to the in-between spaces of our own coaching and athletic journeys.
